I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
