Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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