The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
