all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
