I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
