just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
