bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
