I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
