Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
