I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
