you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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