Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
