guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
