Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
