I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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