thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
