I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
