Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I could make wine with my vomit
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Vodka?
Forever.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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