Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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