u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
