I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just google imaged poop.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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