THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
