there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
vagina is talking i cant
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
