smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
