I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
