If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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