My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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