i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
