WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
