Umm I'm too high to move.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
