I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
