the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
