I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
