Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
