the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
