Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
