he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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