I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
