Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
