just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
