that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
