3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
