We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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