Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize