i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
40s are totally the cure
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
