It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
