my sisters under your porch take her home
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
