a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
