At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
