sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
