Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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